Super Movie Awards 2017 Nominations

This year’s Oscar nominations were just announced and I could not be more appalled at the Academy choosing such ridiculous selections. The real moviegoers don’t care about all these arthouse, Oscar-bait pictures. Nobody even saw half of those Best Picture nominations. Hollywood is truly out of touch if they can’t recognize the sensuality of Ryan Reynolds getting pegged in Deadpool or a hot dog fucking a bun in Sausage Party. How could they forget about Rogue One and Captain America when they made the most money in 2016?

Well, forget those nominations, movie watchers. Here at Super Movie Reviews, we’re starting up our very own awards. Forget those boring categories of Best Cinematography and Best Sound Mixing. What the fuck even is Sound Mixing? Nobody knows and nobody cares except nerds. Don’t be a nerd, movie watchers, and take note of our dank nominations.

BEST MOVIE FILM THAT MADE MONEY

  • Captain America: Civil War
  • Deadpool
  • Sausage Party
  • Suicide Squad
  • Rogue One: A Star Wars Story
  • Warcraft

 

BEST ROMANTIC COUPLE

  • Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice: Batman and Superman
  • The Brothers Grimsby: Mark Strong and an Elephant Penis
  • Silence: Andrew Garfield and Jesus
  • Sausage Party: Sammy Bagel Jr. and Kareem Abdul Lavash
  • Whiskey Tango Foxtrot: Tina Fey and Herself

 

BEST MOVIE BASED ON A COMIC BOOK I NEVER READ

  • Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice
  • Captain America: Civil War
  • Deadpool
  • Doctor Strange
  • X-Men: Apocalypse

 

BEST MOVIE BASED ON A DANK VIDEO GAME

  • The Angry Birds Movie
  • Assassin’s Creed
  • Final Fantasy XV: Kingsglave
  • Ratchet and Clank
  • Warcraft

 

BEST OVERRATED FILM I DIDN’T SEE, BUT HATE ANYWAY

  • Fences
  • Lion
  • Manchester By The Sea
  • Moonlight
  • Toni Erdmann

 

BEST PATRIOTIC AS FUCK MOVIE

  • 13 Hours
  • The Finest Hours
  • Hacksaw Ridge
  • Hell or High Water
  • London Has Fallen

 

 

BEST BLACK MOVIE BECAUSE WE’RE NOT RACIST

  • Almost Christmas
  • Boo! A Madea Halloween
  • Fifty Shades of Black
  • Meet the Blacks
  • Ride Along 2

 

BEST FEMALE MOVIE BECAUSE WE’RE NOT SEXIST

  • The Boss
  • Ghostbusters
  • Hillary’s America
  • Mother’s Day
  • Whiskey Tango Foxtrot

 

BEST FARTS

  • The Brothers Grimsby
  • The Do-Over
  • Norm of the North
  • Swiss Army Man
  • Zoolander No. 2

 

BEST CARTOON THAT I TOOK MY COUSIN TO

  • Norm of the North
  • Ratchet and Clank
  • Sausage Party
  • The Secret Life of Pets
  • Sing

 

BEST SOUNDTRACK OF MUSIC I’VE ALREADY HEARD BEFORE

  • Sausage Party
  • Sing
  • Suicide Squad
  • War Dogs

 

BEST RELIGIOUS MOVIE TO TAKE GRANDMA TO

  • God’s Not Dead 2
  • Hillsong: Let Hope Rise
  • I’m Not Ashamed
  • Risen

 

BEST BARACK OBAMA PERFORMANCE

  • Barry
  • Hillary’s America
  • Southside With You

 

 

Votes will be taken from non-nerd movie watchers. We’ll announce the winners whenever we feel like it.