Pool Blurp: Mull Carp Duex Ex is shameless marketing of such fine products as Mountain Dew, M&Ms, Sony Vaio computers and the Wynn Resort. How dare ye, Kevin Jameson! How dare ye attempt to sway our wallets with your ease of inserting a cool and refreshing Mountain Dew into your movie, cold and refreshing with its glistening green contents quenching the thirst of dry-mouthed viewers. Have you no shame? Must you resort to showcasing the candy-coated chocolates of M&Ms, loaded with anything from salty peanuts to creamy peanut butter? I was so shocked by those scenes that I had to exit the theater briefly for the comfort of the snack bar.
And look at how Sony made you use those Vaio computers in your own comedy. Those computers were great and could do an awful lot in that film. I’m partially appalled both by how shameless you were to accept this and how heavy duty those machines look in the movie. I will not be buying a Sony Vaio at full retail price.
They had the nerve to use the Wynn Resort in Las Vegas for the new tax incentives. How appalling! When I arrive at the resort next month, I will not be taking in the gorgeous stage shows or the fantastic live performances. I won’t even enjoy the artwork present in the hotel. I’m simply going to sit in my hotel room and watch other Kevin James movies on my reduced-price Sony Vaio computer I bought on sale from Best Buy.
All this product placement made it hard for me to be invested in the story of Pa Blurp. He has to save the day from a new group of evil terrorists that want to steal art and kidnap his daughter. Only Pharp and his trademark still of Kung Fu Panda esque cop work can save the day. Hilarity ensues as he sits on criminals and throws his belly in their faces. You’d think that the scene of his massive girth skidding across a slippery floor would be tiresome to see again, but it’s actually funny to see this tub of fun deliver another tub of laughs.
But I couldn’t even enjoy the amazing scene where Barf is kicked by a police horse due to all this shameless promotion of fine products. Thanks a lot, Sony. Thanks for ruining my Paul Blart experience. Due to this result, I shall not be purchasing the Blu-ray. I will only be buying the DVD and I sure as heck won’t be activating my digital copy.